What Humiliation Does To The Entrepreneur
When I talk about challenging topics it’s always my intent to help you shift your level of confidence, so that in your business, relationships or working environment you are able to experience a better life.
Humiliation is a really important topic. If we look at anything in terms of what holds us back, for example, if we are lacking in confidence, or we experience depression or anxiety, rage or anger, it can feel incredibly frustrating and quite often experiencing humiliation can be the root of suffering.
When we experience something detrimental, we don't always know or understand why it has happened to us. If we don’t know the cause, it can sometimes take a lot of deep work and reflection to be able to address issues which can feel very uncomfortable.
When we look at feelings such as shame, embarrassment, and humiliation, it's very important to look at them with awareness and from a different perspective in order to be able to move forward with the emotions or limiting behaviors they bring up. When feelings are brought to the surface, we start to look at them from a different perspective so we are able to address and re-frame them. There’s a difference between embarrassment and humiliation. Embarrassment we can do to ourselves, but when we are humiliated, something has happened to us in front of a group.
When I was at school I was never one of the popular sports lads, (even though I became a personal trainer later in life.) It was an incident at the age of 13 that humiliated me and haunted me for a long time. As I walked through the showers I brushed past one of the popular kids. At the top of his voice, he shouted to everyone that I touched him and that I was gay. All of the boys in the locker room stood with their backs to the walls to keep away from me. I was humiliated in front of a group of boys from my year; this incident caused continuous bullying toward me, so I felt even more humiliated and my self-confidence started to deteriorate.
Another humiliating incident happened when I was much younger during my time at what I call little school. I remember misbehaving in class and the teacher telling everyone that I was going to sit in a room on my own to watch the watch all the wallpaper fall off the walls. I remember feeling upset and humiliated at such a young age.
Negative situations that happen to us when we are young often cause feelings of lack or stop us from progressing as an adult. It can really affect us later on, especially in terms of relationships and business.
A lot of entrepreneurs have the fear of putting themselves out in front of their audience because they feel they are lacking in confidence or self-esteem. When we look at humiliation, one of the big things that can happen at the moment it takes place, is that quite often we don’t speak up and we become voiceless at that moment. If we were able to go back in time to replay the situation so that we did speak up and we didn't have our power taken away, this would create a very different scenario.
When we are young and these things happen we often don't speak up for ourselves, we don't verbalize what needs to be said, and so we become voiceless, we become powerless in that moment. Sometimes humiliation can happen not just once or twice, but it becomes a reoccurring theme especially in bullying.
When humiliation happens, again and again, it starts to weaken us and it takes our energy away. When someone publicly humiliates us, we become powerless. There's power over us, which starts to have an impact on moving forward in life because our natural defense mechanism is for us to not experience a negative situation again. We start to avoid taking certain actions, we start to make safer moves and we aren’t as courageous as we might otherwise have been. We might start secluding ourselves, become more introverted, or avoid going to social events as much as we would really like to. We start to create habits that support the avoidance of more humiliation.
When we can identify that we have experienced humiliation, we can recognize how it has had an impact on our personal lives, in business, or maybe it has spilled over into relationships too? Once we have recognized it, we can start to support ourselves in moving forward with self-love and self-care.
One of the things I find helpful is using meditation to get my power back. Having clear and loving communication, not a fight, not a challenge, not going to that negative energy or vibration, but having positive communication with someone allows you to regain your power.
Sometimes that's not physically possible, but what you can do in meditation is to go back to that place in time to have that conversation, so your mind can start to unravel and understand the event you need to reconcile.
I have done that many times in particular with the bullying incident that happened to me when I was 13. Many times in my meditation I have gone back to that moment and sat with the emotion of that experience. I’ve replayed it and I've changed the outcome without needing to have a conversation with the person who humiliated me.
Understand the motives within the situation and to look at it from a different perspective. As much as you can go into meditation and have the events play out differently, you can also go into that situation and look at what the person was experiencing at that time to make them want to do what they did.
That's why it's very important to move into the next phase which is to forgive. If we can reach an internal point of resolve and forgive, we are able to shift to a whole new identity by taking the approach of forgiveness instead of still holding on to the humiliation, the frustration, and anger of it. Starting to resolve and forgive that it happened allows the space for you to free your energy from it. You can get your power back.
By getting your power back and by going to courage you are going to start to notice you are able to take different actions - even if they are small you can start to use those windows of opportunity to move forward.
I'm having more and more conversations with entrepreneurs and business owners who don't understand the link between what is happening now in their reality, versus what happened when they were young, and how that is still being brought up in their current life in their current situation. When we start to look at and deal with it a lot can really start to shift and that's incredibly powerful.
If you can go back to just one person who caused you humiliation to realize how it's still impacting your life, you will understand why you now fear rejection, or you don’t feel confident or you avoid situations.
Have the awareness to be able to go through that timeline of your life and actually look at different events. One thing is to know in some way what's happened, but it's another thing to actually start to access the subconscious mind, go back and actually bring to the surface some things that your mind cannot consciously access.
Maybe right now there are some things that you know you're aware of but it's also the other things that we’re not conscious of. Even though I’ve done a lot of work done myself and I've looked at the bullying many times, new insights still come up for me because I continue to notice and clear things in my mind.
One of the most popular search terms people search for is ‘confidence.’ In order to activate confidence, we need to get our power back from things that have happened previously - that way we don't need to add new things to ourselves or feel the need to buy material things to start to help us to become more confident. When we start to clear out from the past, we can actually move forward with our lives and not need new things to help us get to the next level. I talk about this more in my book The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret.
Reaching up and getting to your next level is always going to be a challenge if you’re not getting to the root of the problem that you’ve experienced. By talking about and sharing it, there's nothing there for you to be ashamed of, it's part of your journey and your experience, it's part of you.
As you move forward this week, move forward powerfully and with confidence. Move forward knowing you can create any reality that you want based on the decisions you make, the thoughts you have and how you set up your environment for success. How you want this week to play out is entirely up to you. If you're an entrepreneur and you want to get to cut the ties with the past that have been holding you back and you want to drive yourself forward personally and professionally, then the True Transformation Tribe could be for you, because the more we can actually talk about the things we have shut away and the things we don’t want to deal with, the more we can live, the life we truly want.